The Big Announcement

#3 is on the way!

Are you ready for it?

Bombshell:
I’m pregnant.
Again.

I know, I’m insane. I swore up and down as Willow was growing that I would not have another child for two years because babies are a lot of work and I was going a little crazy. But then the nudges started when Willow hit 14 months. Baby time. Baby time.

I hate the nudges sometimes. The baby ones are the hardest to ignore for some reason, perhaps because families are so vital right now. Because strong, valiant babies raised in righteous families are needed more than ever. And also because my little darlings are just so absolutely adorable that I can’t help but want another one, though my timing might be a little more spaced out than Heavenly Father’s.

I really wanted it to not be an actual nudge and rather just some crazy fantasy brought about by sleep deprivation and too much candy. Andrew and I didn’t discuss it past the last time I mentioned something when Willow was 10 months about waiting to have another one ’til Willow was potty trained and we both nodded in agreement, sure that that was exactly what we should do. But then one day as Andrew and I were sitting on the couch, each of us getting things done on our separate computers (Andrew homework, me doing something like staring vacantly at Facebook) and not even talking about anything, I hear the words pop out of my mouth.

“I think it’s time to have another baby.”
Pause as we look at each other.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking that too.”

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
It had been confirmed. There wasn’t much we could do now, it was pretty obvious what time it was. Besides, I would have more space in between my kids than the pioneer women had or some of my friends have had… I won’t have three under three like my mother did when my little brother, Bobby, was born two months before my third birthday (She then continued the trend to end up with six kids under six – with a set of twins at the end – by the age of 25. She also had two older step-kids living with us, who weren’t so fond of her. She is Superwoman. She even exclusively breastfed all six of us for a year each, including the twins.) I can deal with this, right? I am a Strong Woman too.

Continuing the trend of super impregnability that runs in my family, I got pregnant the very month (February) we started trying. No waiting period (which I secretly hoped for). I took the pregnancy test from the dollar store almost a week before my period was due and there was a VERY obvious line. Already. And then I got sick the next day, just lightly and faintly though.

Jalapenos: They do a baby good (I hope)

But that nauseousness has increased and increased and is now, at 8 weeks, about twice as bad as my pregnancy with Willow. Even on 4 mg of Zofran (and taking a unisom and B6), I’m still vomiting and feel as bad as I did when I was pregnant with Sylvia and wasn’t even taking Zofran because I didn’t know it existed. I just lie around all day now, pretty much, feeling sick to my stomach and craving things strongly. Really strongly. I wasn’t so bad with Sylvia and Willow, just a craving maybe once a week, but this pregnancy I want lots of things, every day and it’s totally insane. One day I want hot and sour soup, the next I want a jalapeño burger with lots of fries from Carl’s Junior, and then I want a salad with lots of ranch dressing and all the trimmings and then I want jalapeño poppers and chocolate and sushi and tofu and Cafe Rio. I think the only common thread in my cravings is that I really want jalapeños all the time. I’m not sure what to make of that.

Oddly, whenever I’m pregnant, I can NOT be around peanut butter. The mere smell of it makes me gag. Every pregnancy so far has been this way. This time though, I also cannot eat healthy food. I don’t know why, but things like broccoli and whole wheat bread and shredded wheat and oatmeal make me gag too. This makes me feel really guilty, because I want to eat healthy, but my cravings and aversions are so INSANELY strong, I cannot ignore them. They cry for meat too, which makes me feel even more guilty because I am a vegetarian for many reasons – like hormones, animal cruelty, health and the word of wisdom – all of which make me feel bad because I desperately want to eat fatty red meat (chicken still makes me want to gag) about half the time I’m awake. Just like I feel bad about downing the white bread and chocolate and Marshmallow Mateys (luckily the chocolate is what usually comes back up, so that helps me feel a little better).

Anyway, I’m going on tangents. I just have one last thing to mention, and that is that I had the most lovely dream about giving birth to another beautiful baby girl last night. I still have this glowing memory of it that makes me feel very attached to the little blueberry that looks nothing like a baby in my uterus right now. I really can’t wait for the next seven months to pass so I can meet this new adorable little person that I am building right now. And trusting my dreams of gender to always be wrong (I dreamed about baby boys with both Sylvia and Willow), I’ll just be guessing that this is our little Thomas Andrew, as excited as we are to have him join our little family in November. What a wonderful blessing babies are, even if they do cause me to be sicker than a dog.

They are so worth it.

The Feeling Sorry for Myself Post

Alright. I’m feeling angsty and hormonal. I feel like I need to post something about it today, just to get it out of my system.

angsty teen kitteh

I’m probably really just a whiny person. I know those pioneer women whose husbands left for two years to go on missions while they lived in a log cabin with no running water and with their 5 kids, pregnant with #6 probably didn’t feel sorry for themselves at all while they were washing their clothes by hand. And here I am in a comfy home (albeit built back when the pioneers settled Spanish Fork, pretty much) with everything I need and my husband is actually here sometimes and I only have two kids and I’m feeling like I need to whine about stuff. I’m sorry I’m so lame.

And that’s what this post should really be titled – I’m Sorry. Because I am full of anxiety about a lot of things. So I feel the need to tell you all I’m Sorry for the things that I am that are apparently offensive to people.

1) I’m Sorry that you misunderstand what I mean when I say “We’re poor”.

What I mean when I say “We’re poor” is that we are in debt. I do not mean we are living on credit cards and government assistance. What I mean is that we have $8000 in school debt and $120000 in house debt. Until we are out of these debts, I consider us “poor”. This means I really think about things before I buy them. Are my pants really unwearable or are they just worn out? Do I really need a new coat, even if it’s “on sale”? I try my best to live with what I have and not spend money on things that aren’t important and that I don’t need. I don’t mind wearing shabby clothes and buying used cars, because it means we can pay off our house and school loans.

I don’t care that my little children, who could care less what they are wearing, have to wear cheap DI clothes and don’t have those $10 flower bows in their hair and wear cloth diapers. I don’t care that I don’t get to eat out all the time. I don’t feel like these things are all that bad to deal with. The things that matter to me are financial security and what God thinks, not what every stranger or person around me sees when they look at me.

So anyway, we make more than we spend and our extra money goes to pay down our debt. This is why when I go out to buy things, sometimes I don’t actually buy stuff. It’s not because I want you to buy it for me. It’s because I’m “poor” – as in I don’t have money. It’s because I want to get out of debt and I’m willing to make sacrifices. I do enjoy going out shopping just for the companionship of it. Please, don’t feel obligated to buy me stuff because I change my mind while we’re at the store… if you offer it, I will be very uncomfortable saying no, because that’s just the way I am for some reason. It’s not because that was my purpose in going to the store with you.

Be aware, we’re not perfect at this. Every once in a blue moon we do buy things we don’t need, but we want. It happens, but not that often.

So anyway, please don’t get offended that I’m having another child because you think I’m poor and maybe going to ask you for handouts or take your tax dollars from the government. We have savings and we have the means to have another child, I promise. And even though we were going to wait for another year or so, my husband and I felt strongly and unequivocally  that it was time for another one. Children are one of those “big ticket purchases” that I’m willing to make, because they are SO worth it and they are more important than getting out of debt first (because I’ll be too old if I wait that long). I love my babies and that’s what matters.

2) I’m Sorry that I’m a Vegetarian (or well, technically a flexitarian)

I will not rant on this too long. I just have to say, I’m sorry that for some unfathomable reason, me being a vegetarian offends you. Since God hasn’t said “Though shalt eat meat every day of thy life” and has instead talked about how he notices the sparrows that fall to the ground and telling us to take care of the earth and the animals. Not to mention the part in the Word of Wisdom (if you’re LDS) where it says that animals should be eaten in times of famine or winter and such things, and additionally multiple stories of various Latter-Day prophets not wanting animals killed or eaten unless necessary, I feel that I’m pretty firm ground here in choosing this lifestyle.

For some reason this offends people though… for heaven’s sake, the WOW does not say you’re going to hell if you eat meat. It’s a temporal law to help us be healthy, and that’s why I eat meat sparingly. Because the rates of cancer and illnesses and all those things scare me and scientists are so split on how to prevent these things that I find it comforting that God has given us this temporal law so that I know how to take care of my body. I don’t care and don’t judge you if you’re a vegetarian or not, you can eat what you want and you’re not going to hell either.

So why does it offend you that I don’t eat animals? I don’t know! I’m so sorry that this is so offensive to you! Why do you get defensive when I mention that I eat that way? Also, why does it seem like you can’t be a conservative that cares about the earth and eats vegetarian food? This really especially confuses m, I am not going to vote to pass a law requiring you to stop eating meat.

Also, if I come to your house I am not going to expect you to make me vegetarian food. Make whatever you want and I’ll eat it because I love you. 🙂

3) I’m Sorry I’m not perfect.

Sorry, I’m just not. I try really hard to be, but I slip. I get mad at my kids sometimes. I get depressed and lonely sometimes. I waste my time most of the day. Please don’t be offended by my lack of perfect-ness and talk behind my back about it with everyone else and then maybe later declare judgmentally what you think of that. Also, I’m sorry if you ever thought I was mean to you on purpose, it’s not true. I try really hard not to be mean or gossip or be judgmental (although, I’m not perfect in those regards). I’m not very good at making food, I’m not a perfect parent or wife, I’m not very good at being productive or making things look nice and I eat a lot of candy/sweets when they are available. I’m really sorry if that offends you.

Ok, so I guess those were the only three things that I think people are bothered by… thinking I’m too poor to have babies or to buy my own stuff, people who find my choices not to be up to snuff and my flexitarian lifestyle. I get these judgmental statements occasionally regarding these things that just make me feel really kind of sad and lonely. I really am not choosing to be this way because it makes a statement or to make you feel like a bad person. I’m trying to do my best to be a good mother and do the things that are right for my family. Please don’t be offended or think that I’m judging you because I am this way.

Thank you for listening to my rant. I am now done by angsty and feel much better. I’m going to try to write nice things once a week… maybe about kittens and rainbows or something.

It’s been a long long time…

Alright, so I kind of died 7 months ago and stopped posting. I know, I’m lame. But the reason why is because actually, I got pregnant again. And I was extremely morning sick, just like last time! But this time, I had a toddler running around and so it was much harder to blog. So, needless to say, I have not really been exercising and losing weight.

I’m 7 months along now, due December 21st with another little girl, whom we will be naming Willow! I’ve been kind of able to keep my weight down… only 15 (I’m at about 226, up from 211 prepregnancy) lbs gained last time I checked… though I might have balloooned… I’ve been afraid of weighing myself for the past two weeks, because I keep gorging on candy and ice cream and stuff. 😦

I’m planning on starting “dieting” this next week though (as in keeping track of how many calories I’m eating, not actually dieting dieting.) I don’t want to gain 30 lbs again, so that it isn’t so hard to lose it all after the new little one is born.

Someone asked if I’ve tried Wii Fit Plus yet, and no, I haven’t. I’m waiting for a good deal to come around before I buy it, because I’m a cheapskate like that. 🙂 I haven’t really been exercising… but I think I will try at least doing free step on Wii Fit for 15 minutes a day if I can, so that I can keep my blood pressure down and just be healthy. Tried doing My Fitness Coach a month ago consistently and got bad sciatica and so had to stop. So I’m guessing it’s best if I keep my exercising as low impact as possible.

I’ll keep you updated on what happens. Hopefully I can keep my weight down! Got a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday, so we’ll see what the scale says. 🙂

34 weeks along!

So, again, I’ve neglected to update for a while. I’m 34 weeks now… only 6 weeks to go, thank goodness!

I quit my job a week ago, and have been sitting at home, relaxing and enjoying the peace and quiet for now. I couldn’t stand working anymore… I was too uncomfortable and tired and frustrated all the time with my particular job. Tech support isn’t easy, even if you do sit down all day.

Anyway, I’ve been loving being at home… actually keeping the house clean and whatnot and making dinner… and not being tired all day. However, I’ve apparently got sciatica in my left leg. It hurts soooo bad. It aches all day long, and when I walk around and try and do stuff, then I get shooting pains through my whole leg. It makes me want to cry. I tried taking some Tylenol yesterday for it, but it didn’t help at all. From what I’ve read online, there’s not a whole lot you can do… besides see a PT or a chiropractor. Oh well. It sucks.

In other news, I haven’t been sick in the mornings for a while now… well, at least I feel a little nauseous, but I don’t actually puke anymore. That’s been a relief. Also, my baby shower will be happening in a couple of weeks! Yay! My sister in law who lives here in Provo will be planning that out… I’m sure it will be fun. 🙂

Also, Saturday the local lure coursing group is starting lure coursing up again! I’m so excited that spring is here and I can take my dog out to run lure coursing again! Of course, this time my husband is going to have to be the one who goes out into the field where the “bunny” goes to, because I have to limp and waddle everywhere I go now, which makes the going extra slow.  But still, it will be fun and my dog can run off some of her pent up winter energy!

Beyond that, not too much to report… I’m just getting bigger and bigger, and my hip joints hurt when I sleep on my side. 😦 Also, last time I went to the doctor, they told me I’d actually lost 2 pounds from the time I was last there. Since I weigh 260, that doesn’t bother them in the slightest though. I think I lost the weight because I had the flu… it was BAD. I was SO sick for about 5 days and had to miss work… they gave me something with codeine in it that was supposed to help, but I only took it twice because it didn’t seem to be doing anything for my cough (which hurt really really really badly), and because I read that codeine is possibly associated with cleft palate in babies… so I didn’t want to risk it. I had a silly flu shot and everything this year (like I normally do, because I have asthma), but apparently only 40% of the viruses matched the flu shot or something like that.

Anyway, while I was sick I didn’t really eat very much, and so I think I lost weight because of that. I’ll probably have gained it back when I next go in to the doctor, so I’m not worried. I’ve only gained 22 pounds so far in the pregnancy, so I’m quite happy with myself. That’s more than I was hoping to gain, but less than I could have gained. I plan on breastfeeding for a year, so since that burns 500 calories a day, I’m hoping that it will help me lose some weight after the baby is born. 🙂 We’ll see.

It’s getting closer! I’m so excited!

Mah Belly

So! I finally decided to take a picture of my belly! So here it is… me nineteen weeks pregnant… about 4 weeks ago. I feel so huge right now… and it’s only going to get bigger… 😛

 ninteen weeks pregnant

Found out last week (23 weeks) that I’m having a little baby girl! I’m super excited! We’re going to name her Sylvia Michelle (the middle name may change).  We got some really cute pictures of her on the ultrasound:

 23 weeks23 weeks ultrasound

And I’m still sick in the mornings. It’s not so bad anymore, because now I just throw up in the morning and feel better during the day… Instead of how during the first trimester I was sick all day long. I guess I am doomed to have morning sickness the whole pregnancy though, which is no fun. 😦 At least it’s not so bad that I’ve had to go to the hospital or anything, I guess.

12 Week Check Up

Can you believe it? I’m 12 weeks along! This is going so fast… can’t believe I’m in the second trimester already!

Unfortunately, I’m still sick. I thought it would go away, but nooooo. Of course not. I couldn’t even eat again this morning because I was so sick.

Anyway, I went in to the doctor on Monday for the 12 week exam… it was really neat in some ways, but not so neat in others. The best part (of course) was getting to listen to the baby’s heartbeat! 170 bpm the doctor said… a good healthy baby! I’m so glad to hear that, since I was afraid of miscarriage before. They say that at this point in pregnancy, the risk of miscarriage is below 5%. That’s so great! I can’t wait to find out the gender in a month and a half. So exciting!

Andrew, my DH, came along to the doctor as well… he was excited to hear the baby’s heartbeat also. Then we found out that I had to get a pap smear and a breast exam too…. Andrew stuck it out, comforting me as they stuck those metal things inside me and got some of my cells. Then the doctor made sure my uterus was the right size and that my ovaries were okay. They were, which was good. Then he poked my chest and made sure that was alright. That was too.

So I’m a healthy 21 year old. Yay me!

Poor Andrew. He probably would have rather not been there, but he was a good sport. He’s probably glad he’s not a woman. I don’t blame him. 😀

I found out one fantastic thing from the visit… I have only gained one pound since my six week visit! That is GREAT! I was so happy to hear that… maybe I am not doomed to gain 500 pounds from being pregnant after all! Maybe my metabolism will go back to normal! So many happy things it could mean! 😀 Hopefully, I’ll be able to keep the weight gain down.

My doctor’s advice was to just follow my appetite and eat when I’m hungry and don’t eat when I’m not. Don’t just “eat for the baby” he said, just follow the cravings. He said that at over 200 pounds, I could healthily not gain any weight over the whole pregancy and my body would be fine, but not to try and diet.

I’m so happy! I hope everything continues this way! 🙂

Peace!

The Bowhunting Season

So I know some of you readers were following me or have come across me because I am a pregnant bowhunter. 😀 So, assuming that I have something of an audience there, I’ll tell you about my season this year.

Mostly it was great! I loved it. After my first disasterous experience with my guide, he took me and my husband to a much easier to get to spot with lots of elk. We would go up on Friday nights (because it’s hard to do it on weeknights when you’ve got work in the morning… and if you get something, you have to haul it out in the morning.) and sit at a quiet watering hole, up on a hill, behind some bushes and wait for the wildlife to come in.

The first time we went, nothing came through. But the second night, we had a herd of elk with a big six point bull come through. Since this is spike/cow only territory though, I had to leave him alone. He sure was pretty though, and having a great time splashing around in the mud. Anyway, so when they first came into the hole, I got excited and drew back… just waiting for a cow to go broadside so I could shoot (they were about 20 yards off, so easy). Buuut they were too busy bouncing in the mud, so I had to kind of let off… and let off a little quick and they heard. So the bull took off. Some of the cows stuck around though… and one came down to drink, so I took a shot.

I hit her high, but at a downward angle… and let her bound off. We waited for half an hour, then it started to get really dark, so we went to see if we could at least find the start of the blood trail… but there was nothing. We searched for an hour or two. And no blood, no arrow, nothing. We came back in the morning and searched for three or four more hours… scouring the hillside to see if we could find blood or the cow or anything… but there was not one drop of blood anywhere nearby. No arrow either. :/ I was so sad.

So we went up a few more nights… usually seeing some deer (I was too late to get a deer tag this year, sadly). And one night the same elk herd (with the six point) came back down, but there was something crunching on the hill behind where I was sitting, so that freaked them out and they took off without me getting a chance to take a shot. It was sad. No other sightings beyond that.

So it was a fun, but sadly elk-less year for me. Oh well, there’s always next year I guess! 🙂