Are you ready for it?
I know, I’m insane. I swore up and down as Willow was growing that I would not have another child for two years because babies are a lot of work and I was going a little crazy. But then the nudges started when Willow hit 14 months. Baby time. Baby time.
I hate the nudges sometimes. The baby ones are the hardest to ignore for some reason, perhaps because families are so vital right now. Because strong, valiant babies raised in righteous families are needed more than ever. And also because my little darlings are just so absolutely adorable that I can’t help but want another one, though my timing might be a little more spaced out than Heavenly Father’s.
I really wanted it to not be an actual nudge and rather just some crazy fantasy brought about by sleep deprivation and too much candy. Andrew and I didn’t discuss it past the last time I mentioned something when Willow was 10 months about waiting to have another one ’til Willow was potty trained and we both nodded in agreement, sure that that was exactly what we should do. But then one day as Andrew and I were sitting on the couch, each of us getting things done on our separate computers (Andrew homework, me doing something like staring vacantly at Facebook) and not even talking about anything, I hear the words pop out of my mouth.
“I think it’s time to have another baby.”
Pause as we look at each other.
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking that too.”
It had been confirmed. There wasn’t much we could do now, it was pretty obvious what time it was. Besides, I would have more space in between my kids than the pioneer women had or some of my friends have had… I won’t have three under three like my mother did when my little brother, Bobby, was born two months before my third birthday (She then continued the trend to end up with six kids under six – with a set of twins at the end – by the age of 25. She also had two older step-kids living with us, who weren’t so fond of her. She is Superwoman. She even exclusively breastfed all six of us for a year each, including the twins.) I can deal with this, right? I am a Strong Woman too.
Continuing the trend of super impregnability that runs in my family, I got pregnant the very month (February) we started trying. No waiting period (which I secretly hoped for). I took the pregnancy test from the dollar store almost a week before my period was due and there was a VERY obvious line. Already. And then I got sick the next day, just lightly and faintly though.
But that nauseousness has increased and increased and is now, at 8 weeks, about twice as bad as my pregnancy with Willow. Even on 4 mg of Zofran (and taking a unisom and B6), I’m still vomiting and feel as bad as I did when I was pregnant with Sylvia and wasn’t even taking Zofran because I didn’t know it existed. I just lie around all day now, pretty much, feeling sick to my stomach and craving things strongly. Really strongly. I wasn’t so bad with Sylvia and Willow, just a craving maybe once a week, but this pregnancy I want lots of things, every day and it’s totally insane. One day I want hot and sour soup, the next I want a jalapeño burger with lots of fries from Carl’s Junior, and then I want a salad with lots of ranch dressing and all the trimmings and then I want jalapeño poppers and chocolate and sushi and tofu and Cafe Rio. I think the only common thread in my cravings is that I really want jalapeños all the time. I’m not sure what to make of that.
Oddly, whenever I’m pregnant, I can NOT be around peanut butter. The mere smell of it makes me gag. Every pregnancy so far has been this way. This time though, I also cannot eat healthy food. I don’t know why, but things like broccoli and whole wheat bread and shredded wheat and oatmeal make me gag too. This makes me feel really guilty, because I want to eat healthy, but my cravings and aversions are so INSANELY strong, I cannot ignore them. They cry for meat too, which makes me feel even more guilty because I am a vegetarian for many reasons – like hormones, animal cruelty, health and the word of wisdom – all of which make me feel bad because I desperately want to eat fatty red meat (chicken still makes me want to gag) about half the time I’m awake. Just like I feel bad about downing the white bread and chocolate and Marshmallow Mateys (luckily the chocolate is what usually comes back up, so that helps me feel a little better).
Anyway, I’m going on tangents. I just have one last thing to mention, and that is that I had the most lovely dream about giving birth to another beautiful baby girl last night. I still have this glowing memory of it that makes me feel very attached to the little blueberry that looks nothing like a baby in my uterus right now. I really can’t wait for the next seven months to pass so I can meet this new adorable little person that I am building right now. And trusting my dreams of gender to always be wrong (I dreamed about baby boys with both Sylvia and Willow), I’ll just be guessing that this is our little Thomas Andrew, as excited as we are to have him join our little family in November. What a wonderful blessing babies are, even if they do cause me to be sicker than a dog.
They are so worth it.