Why me?

So, here I am, blogging. I think I’m doing it mostly because I’m lonely… maybe scared a little. I don’t know what to do now that I have a little person growing in my tummy! I’ve never done this before. I’m 21… been married 8 months… I work for tech support… and I’ve got an 11 month old puppy. What am I thinking?

I’m 7 weeks along now. Well, hopefully. I’m assuming every thing’s going to be okay, even though I’ve been having some brownish spotting for a week now (I know, TMI, TMI) and so it could mean a miscarriage (that freaks me out a little). However, I feel sicker than a dog in the morning now, so I think that’s a good sign. Because I wasn’t feeling like that before. I think I’m producing hormones still and stuff. They say that’s why you feel sick in the morning, because your body’s making hormones for the baby.

This morning sickness is really getting to me. I was all pumped for having a baby and was just brushing off the morning sickness thing (Before I was experiencing it). I was like, “Oh, that’ll go by so quick, I won’t even know what happened.” And now I find myself waking up in the morning and thinking “How many more weeks before this is supposed to stop? A whole more month? This is crazy!” And then I go puke my stomach acid into the sink in the bathroom. I prefer throwing up in the sink, because I really don’t think I can handle laying my head on the toilet and puking in there. I just find that too disgusting. Even though I clean it once a week, I still just… can’t handle putting my face there.

They say to just eat a few crackers before you get out of bed and that will keep you from being sick. I vehemently disagree. I tried eating crackers, and it just made me puke more times. And it was all partially disintegrated and stuff. Ugh.

So then I tried just sitting down all morning until I had to go to work. That didn’t work either, because as soon as I stood up after making my husband some sandwiches for lunch, I felt sick any and threw up anyway.

It’s not very nice to be pregnant and working. It really isn’t nearly as easy as I thought it would be. At all. I throw up, and then I have to go to work. I can’t eat breakfast… I’d puke some more. And then I have to go talk to angry people on the phone, and that makes me want to puke while I’m talking to them… you know, it like runs up your adrenaline and stuff and that doesn’t help my queasiness go away.

However, this morning I think I found the way to keep me from actually throwing up. I got out of bed, got dressed, took the puppy out to potty (all of these things I can do before I feel like throwing up, generally), and then went into the kitchen and laid on my stomach on the cold tile floor. It was great. I felt really good, and I didn’t feel like tossing my cookies (my husband tells me he’s never heard this term before, and I told him he was a weirdo). I went to work and felt queasy all day (which is normal), but I made it without throwing up.

It’s hard to not be able to eat breakfast. Not only because I like my breakfast, but because I feel bad, because I’m sure it’s bad for the baby. But how the heck do the doctors expect you to eat anything when every time you look at something food-like anytime before noon, you feel sure you’re going to throw up if you eat it? It stinks.

Normally, I love food. I love eating my banquet lunches or my sandwiches for lunch, and my honey-nut scooters for breakfast, and enchiladas for dinner. But I can’t eat them right now because I feel so sick. 😦 It makes me sad. Sometimes I eat bean dip and chips for lunch, because my stomach seems to be okay with that… but unfortunately, it’s not very cost effective. I’m not spending freaking seven dollars every time I eat lunch. That’s insane! And Ramen noodles for dinner every night is probably not healthy either. Sigh. Such is life.

Eating is far more complicated than I ever though it would be. What will I do?

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